Eureka, A Dog ate my Heffernan Report!
The Heffernan Report, which was on a topic we can only speculate about, will now never see the light of day, as it was literally eaten by a dog. The lengthy report, presumably on something not incredibly dangerous to our nation’s children, was unfortunately (and completely accidentally) used in experiments to see if dogs could subsist on empty promises, which have proven so nutritious to the Australian political system. This comes as part of a larger scheme to see if people can be hacked to overcome their ten thousand year old bonding link with canines. The relationship is so strong as to be concerning for World Economic Forum (WEF) planners, who are unsure what will happen when the food shortages are ramped up. Will people eat their dogs? Will people feed dogs meat and eat insect protein themselves? Will people eat dog food? WEF overlords have remained cautious about simply saying dogs need to eat paper due to climate change. This proven strategy, so successful in creating an energy crisis and subsequent authoritarian global regime is nevertheless considered too risky to try out on old Fido. People love dogs that much. One thing is certain, expect Fido to have a lot of homework to eat, as parliamentary Covid inquests from around the globe find their way into his foodbowl.