Can negativity kill grandma?
Health pundits apologised this week for previous suggestions that the unvaccinated were killing grandma. They are, however, excited about the possibilities for alternate methods of victim blaming to improve grandma’s health in future.
Our resident expert Anthony Faustian explains:
“The unvaccinated are still bitter about all their family and friends abandoning them, and are still yet to receive any public acknowledgement, apology, or redress. This provides us with the perfect opportunity to have a little fun, and laughter is the best medicine.”
“Why not try a little gaslighting and tell the unvaccinated that you were on their side and fighting for their freedoms all along? It’s cheery in these troubled times to see their little faces go red with anger.” chuckles Anthony.
“My wife and I had a blast the other day telling our daughter who we refused to see for 2 years that mentioning our disrespect is just a ‘negative attitude’. I tell you, this made my wife feel so much better by assuaging any guilt she might have felt about her moral bankruptcy.”
But not all Mainstream health experts agree.
Rochelle Corruptski from the Centre for Disinformation suggests we still pretend the unvaccinated do not exist.
“Dehumanisation of the unvaccinated was not universally successful” warns Corruptski. “Some of them still react when we torment them, and it’s annoying trying to get to work when they have one of their little protests.”
Nevertheless, the trend is catching on. Some employers who sacked employees for not taking harmful genetic experiments, are inviting them back in hilarious ways. Start helping grandma yourself with the following reader suggestions:
“Try running an antidiscrimination seminar on their first week back, it’s hilarious” - B. Morevil, Minister for Education.
“We have a Natural Health Friday session, where we stress the benefits of natural immunity, social interaction, fresh air, and breath awareness. This way we can also laugh at all the victims of psychological warfare who are still wearing masks.” - Hyppia Critt, Manager of Downtown Health Centre